I received an email containing this statement:
“I want our family to shift focus from us to others, but my husband has no interest.”
This wasn’t the first time a note with the same idea found its way to my inbox.
Sometimes notes to strangers are easier to send than notes to those you love.
When I hear sentiments like the one above, I wish hard that I held a secret recipe for change, and I could send you running to the store, list in hand, change attainable.
But, of course, no such list exists.
The above email made me think of my husband, and how I rarely mention him here, and that maybe you think he's not involved in our attempt to move from addicted to ourselves to devoted to others. Not true.
So, meet Shane.
He's the rational part of the Sullivan family. The one who tells me that real change happens slowly. The one who balances my wild ideas with wild prayer. The one who taught me about another kind of list, a scientifically proven, sure to make your husband uber resistant to serving others kind of list.
I've never actually acted out behaviors listed below. Ahem. You know, this is hypothetically speaking, of course. Here's my top five ways to ensure your husband will never want to serve others as a family:
1. Ask him if he ever thinks of others first. (Stress the ever part).
2. Schedule a family service day during fantasy football playoffs.
3. Talk nonstop the minute he walks in the door about the latest book you’ve discovered that will change his life.
4. Sign him up for something he totally doesn’t want to do, especially if it involves crafts.
5. Pour on the guilt.
Question for you: What can you do to ensure your spouse will do the exact opposite of what you want?







25 comments:
oh i love me some shane sullivan! especially when he's in his metro shirt, tossing around the sea salt, or doing an awesomely awkward Wii dance move! ha!
but seriously - you two are such a good, balanced match. and i'm like you more.....get really excited and passionate about something, and then sometimes frustrated w/hubby when he doesn't share the same enthusiasm. but thankfully i know God brought us together b/c of these differences- to be stronger as a unit and complement each. So i'm trying to learn to ease up on the whole control thing and let him be led by God on his own timeline. and when i do that- not only do we disagree less, but the burden of it is off of me. it's not my job anyways (other than to live out God's will in our marriage/life) - it's God. why i ever think i can take it over is beyond me. so all i know, is giving it to God and praying about it, and not making it my job or mission- that makes all the difference.
btw- i think the way you have amelia write on here, you should have shane do the same. "the guy's view" or something. it'd be good! :)
or at the very least you could put up a video of him sharing his awesome green bean recipe! :)
Awesome, Amy. God certainly does a better job with our men than we do. I have a lot more peace since I stepped back and allowed God to speak -- in His timing and way!
Pick ANYTHING that's not months in advance. My man needs LOTS of time to get in the mindset.
P.S. It's always best if either A)it's his idea, or B)he THINKS it's his idea.
I think the craft one is the best. I wonder if my hubby would join me for one of those charity scrapbook weekends. LOL
This is a great post. I have always tried not to be the nagging wife. Sometimes it doesn't work (ie. bath nights). My husband is often the person who recommends how our family will serve. We haven't done a lot lately with moving, but hopefully we can get back into that routine this year.
hahhaahaha! You are good, this is good, and I love Brandee input too. I always say, "It's my job to make my husband happy not holy" and then in that he will come along (because it is his idea after all) wink wink! Love this post and as much as you put yourself out there for others you would have to have a man who stood behind you 100%. You have a beautiful family Amy!
umm, threaten to put his picture on my blog page if he doesn't cooperate. talk to him in my "parental" voice. make him feel like a little kid all over again.
and then, pretty much everything you listed above.
sigh.
being a wife is just about as tricky as being a parent, ya know? that Eve, what WAS she thinking???
but then again, if it wasn't her, it would have been me, i have no doubt.
great post, and great reminders!
steph
Ah Shane. The party goer. I agree with the above suggestion to have Shane's view on your blog. Great idea. Now, to just get him to agree. :)
Heath will love this list. Especially #3. Guess I tend to do that, too.
Only thing I would add is that nagging, nagging, and nagging some more tends to get me the exact opposite result that I want. Go figure.
Great post.
This is awesome, Amy. My hubby is easy going and willing to pitch in and serve at a moment's notice - it is when we plan it that something always seems to stand in the way - help me figure that one out! ;)
I'm the one that needs a plan - spontaneous isn't always easy for me.
So much fun, Amy. I'm afraid I failed miserably with #3. I bought the same book while we were on a getaway this past November to North Carolina. (Loved it!). I stayed up way tooo late reading it, and then referenced it the whole flight home. Ugh.
I recently said to my husband, "Hey, what if we do 12 service projects in 2012. What do you think?" He loved the idea and is now planning & organizing with the kids. Whew!
Have a great week, friend!Thanks for all the super ideas (as always!)
Cindy :)
Love the family picture! This made me laugh – On the way home from church Sunday I told my husband we were working with friends and starting a new meal ministry that’ll have new members over for lunch. And his response was, “Oh, WE are?” :)
If I catch him in an ornery mood, all I have to do is ask for exactly what I don't want, and I'll usually get what I was hoping for... Otherwise, I think your list up there fills it all up pretty well! Anything shame-inducing, belittling, or involving a huge change will usually get the resistance.
Loving following you! I find that when I keep it casual I get the best results.
I love how not to lists!! Sometimes they are much more helpful than how to lists! This one is great :)
Maybe even say it "evah" instead of "ever". This is a great list. You're right. Guilt won't change their hearts only the Lord can do that. We need to change our hearts towards our husbands.
When I start a sentence with "you should..." yep, that 's always a winner...
Aw, Mr. Shane! You two have turned out to be perfect together. I still remember the early days :) Hmmm, if I don't want my Steven to hear me, I should totally make sweeping statements that have no real basis in truth. He LOVES when I do that. Lol, Yeah, I agree. Get Mr. Sullivan to write a post from time to time. I think everyone would love it!
I have a husband that does this for me too...so wonderful, and I can push every button you mention to ensure he groans and looks at me like I'm crazy :)
My father/pastor told us something wise during marriage counseling. He referred to me as the babbling brooke and my husband Jason a quiet dam... our task at the end of the day was for me to limit my stories to 3, and Jason had to come UP with 3 stories to share. :)
Love how you use humor to get across a serious point...I try to avoid telling my husband what to do and instead I share an idea, and ask his opinion, but I am also clear about what I think, in what I hope/pray is a respectful way :)
ha ha made me laugh out loud as i can relate! of course i relate totally hypothetically as well!!
Love it....great great post!!!!!
After my hubby works for 12 hours with crying babies in his ear all day, and dealing with at least 100 people-- big and little-- and having his word quota for the day at maximum before he comes home, I try to let him eat before I tell him about the book!! LOL
We celebrate 25 years last spring!
Thanks for dealing with a really important issue with grace and humor, Amy.
Fondly,
Glenda
Awe, I loved seeing the picture of your beautiful family...truly gorgeous!
Well, we've all heard about using "I" statements rather than "you" statements. But truly, starting a sentence with "You" automatically puts a spouse on the defense...of course unless we are complimenting them!
HAHA!! You are a trip. I never say irrational things to my husband so I don't really think I can relate to this...errrr....uh....yeah, I'm lying through my teeth!!!
I have the tendency to ask him stupid questions like, "You are doing it that way?" and immediately the wind is knocked out of his sails. It's terrible really. I think that since I am the matriarch of our home, I try to manage it solo and when he tries to jump in on something, I can be critical because I had a vision of how it should be done. I should mention that he is a saint and never lets these rude comments get to him. I try to immediately recognize the error in my ways and bake him something delicious or pour his beer for him. He's pretty easy to please.
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