Yesterday I snuck away to mass. Yes, mass, as in the Catholic variety.
Baptized, raised, and confirmed Catholic, rote prayers meant little during my plaid skirt and knee sock wearing days.
My trouble-making, best friend and I spent most required school masses thinking up inappropriate, alternative lyrics to responsorial psalms. “Hosanna, Hosanna, I’m high.”
And as for preparation for the Eucharist, I never viewed communion as a union with God or each other, but I do remember exactly what happened to that missing wine. Sorry, Sister Rita (and I think I just felt myself losing ten followers).
But through the years, the religion and God I scrambled to get away from has taken on a different meaning. Catholic prayers, hymns, and reverence no longer seem boring and out of touch. The stained glass figures no longer haunt, but comfort, and although the kneelers are still hard, now, I want to use them.
I guess that’s why sometimes when life screams for deeper meaning and structure, this non-Catholic girl finds God through a missal at a crowded mass.
Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Matthew 11:28 New King James Version
Question for you: Are there any practices from the faith of your childhood that you once disliked and now appreciate? Do tell.
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39 comments:
I appreciate the quietness of my old church. It used to just bore me. I used to love and still do love old gospel music. Way back when we would get together on Sunday afternoons for "singings". I miss that.
I don't know if there's any that I despised {yes, you know me, good little church girl since Day 1}, but I certainly didn't appreciate the theology of the hymns or the done and re-done and possibly I thought overdone magnification of God as a key way He was forming me for all of my life and yes, learning about theology early {and loving it}, though I make far less distinctions that matter, I am thankful to know that I might speak into a difference with what transcends. Sending you love, friend:}:}
I hated the hypocrisy of the people around me in the pews. As a teenager with all the right answers and ideas in life, I spent more time focused on the people around me than the sacrament of the Mass! It turned me away from my Catholic faith in my early 20s because I thought if I wasn't doing it perfectly, I shouldn't do it at all. How wrong was I?!?! Now I am just as content as can be surrounded by imperfect people. I feel right at home with them :) My husband and I both love the super-old and super-traditional rites of the Mass like incense, latin, rituals and ceremonies. It was comforting to me when I traveled the world while in college that no matter what country I landed in, on any given Sunday morning I could find the familiarity of the Catholic mass on lots of corners :)
i used to hate sunday school. i wanted the extra sleep. to not have to pay attention. to not have to answer questions. to not have to be so...good. now small group (different name, same concept) is my favorite part of church! and...i wrote about it today over at my place! (www.kendalprivette.blogspot.com)
ps - i love your honesty here. it made me laugh. and love you more.
I wish you had called me to go with you!! After all the Catechism I learned as a public school attending little girl growing up in Philly, (I WALKED every Wed. after school to the convent for CCD!), what STILL means the MOST to me is what we would say in response to the priest when he recited before Communion: "This is the Lamb of God who takes away the sins of the world. Happy are those who are called to His supper!"
"Lord, I am not worthy to receive You, but only say the word, and I shall be healed!"(from Matthew 8:8) For I am NOT worthy, but I am saved through the blood of Christ, which washes me clean! I feel so forgiven and LOVED by God, but even more so after Eucharist! Confession time- I never learned how to say the Rosary, but have many beautiful Rosary Beads!!
not that I can think of...honestly? I am finding more comfort outside the walls of a church. I know...stone me. I will write on this soon but for you missy...I smiled. You just got a little naked..wasn't so bad was it. and i doubt you lost any followers;)
xo
Although I don't go to Mass on a regular basis, it is the only place that organized religion feels "normal" for me.
I've always felt like spirituality was a deeply personal and private thing. Thus evangelism does nothing but push me away.I've always loved the way Saturday vigil Mass was quieter, not jovial, and very reflective (at least for me). I do much better when organized religion isn't jolly or with a band or anything like that. I need solemn, I need routine, I need introspective.
The Church is by no means perfect and I don't agree with some doctrine but I understand why it is and there is no other organized religion that suits me. Plus, I love the incense!
I often think I need to try a Unitarian Unilateralist Church as their views tend to be similar to mine. The closest one is about an hour away so it just hasn't happened yet.
Btw, I blog when I travel so, to get a preview of what I've been up to, you can check out my blog at http://travelingpirate.blogspot.com .
That should have been Unitarian Universalist. Damn Auto-correct!
nothing so much that i despised. . . i just remember it being so boring! as i watch my own kids, and their experiences, it's not that i want all bells and whistles for them---but i want them to know LIFE. know what i mean? i want it to feel like it is a living, moving, experience when we gather as a community and worship. so far, i believe it feels (most days) like that for them, rather than a series of rituals. and i am ever grateful for that.
steph
Well, I didn't go to church as a child, so no memories or practices... wish I had some! I enjoyed reading about yours though :)
Oh, my goodness. I was raised a Jehovah's Witness. That, my friend, is a loaded question for me:).
I understand what you are saying here, though. Once we disdained those highly automatic liturgical responses...but now they mean so much to me. Just the thought of all who came before uttering the same. Makes me breathless.
Love how you make me think, girlie!
there were no church practices i despised, BUT i was super jealous of Catholics (visited mass a few times w/a friend) and really wanted to be one. you guys got to touch the magical water on the way in, smoke up the joint during the service, and the necklaces! i wanted a rosary so bad!!!! but alas. i've never been catholic. and although i disagree w/some of their theology- i think there's something to be said for some of the ritual and sacredness and holiness that surrounds a mass.
wish my church had a bit more of that holiness thing going on. next time, can i sneak into mass w/you??
Like you, I grew up Catholic, lost the meaning of it, left, found Christ in a protestant church and now have a deeper appreciation for the traditions of the church of my childhood. Brennan Manning changed my thwarted view of Catholic priests, also. When I married my evangelical pastor husband my grandparents, who are devout Catholics, had to have a heart-to-heart with him to make sure I was not married into some "cult" :) It was a good conversation for me because we discovered just how much we have in common, more than not. We both love Christ and his people, right?
Me....I grew up in a family of "strict Sabbath keepers". It was all about you can't do this and you can't do that. Now, I've discovered the Sabbath God intended. The sabbath of rest, fellowship with Him, taking time out of the stress of life and just soaking up LIFE, LOVE and the LOVER OF MY SOUL. Now, taking a day to rest is just that..a day to REST in my Lord and all He is to me, in me and for me....not like before...when it was the hardest, most stressful day of my life.
Great post. Love the honesty, the humor, and the message behind it all.
Thank you for blessing my day and my heart!
~Stacy
Laura,
Do you know you are the first former Jehovah's Witness I've ever met? Yeah, I bet my question is loaded.
I think the exact same thing as you do as far as everyone uttering the same respnse. Just think of the millions who have uttered the exact things throughout the years.
Kendal,
I like your post today, I'm glad you pointed us there. Click over for a bit about grown up Sunday School.
Amy darling -- then you must have heard the parable that is driving me batty this weekend. I know you're gonna read my post anyway, but... http://shepherdresource.org/main/2011/10/still-not-good-enough/. Tell me what the priest you heard had to say. Or what you think.
Ok, now to your question: Mirroring you in every way, I also visited a church this weekend that in style, music, presentation was much closer to the church of my youth. I went to celebrate a friend's baptism and felt what I know: I'm a sucker for the believer, come confess your faith and get dunked in a tank style of baptism. It was so moving to see her publicly and actively announce to the world that she has said yes to Christ and followed his pattern of burial and resurrection... My current church has a more solomen group baptism sprinkle water on your head style. Also beautiful, but commands less of my emotions. All about me, of course.... so anyway -- that was my weekend!
I love this, A., that you were able to re-visit that important part of your history and see it differently as an adult. Steven doesn't have a past in Catholicism, but he loves to sneak away to mass or other high-church services from time to time. I think that kind of church feeds him in a different way because he is such a cerebral person. He identifies with the liturgy. I grew up in an environment of emotional spiritualism (Pentecostalism), and there is something somewhat comforting about being right in the middle of that type of freedom and abandonment when it comes to worship. But, there is also a whole different side that I won't go into here for finding a middle ground as an adult.
Lori, I would love to chat with you sometime as I grew up in a similar environment.
Amy-- this is for Shane, really, but growing up in the church, geeesh they spent a LOT of time telling me how back "SECULAR" music was....you know, play the music backwards and it says something about you loving Satan. So ofcourse I was only allowed Christian music for a time. All that to say, I love blaring old Keith Green, Russ Taff, Amy Grant, Sandi Patti, Petra music...yepper, the Trumpet of Jesus is a timeless classic.
Loved this post and your going back to your roots and finding God there!
Supposed to read "how bad secular music was"...you get the drift.
Loraine,
You are so funny. I got your text while I was out, and was dying to get home just to see what you wrote. Trumpet of Jesus, ha! Whenever that old school christian music plays, Shane always says, "We need to call Loraine!"
You know I could be wrong, but I really think I saw Petra in concert....hmmm, it was either them or Stryper. Blaaahhh on both accounts. Love you, friend.
As a former Catholic I totally get and love this. I often go to Mass with my parents when I am home visiting them.
I deeply miss the practice of making the sign of the cross now that I am a practicing Lutheran. I also miss dipping my fingers into the holy water on the way out the door. Don't miss the confessional box much though! ;)
There is something so beautiful and reverent about mass. I think we miss out on that in some of our churches.
Being brought up in a very old Presbyterian church, I definitely did not appreciate the beauty of the old hymns that we sang. They seemed so boring at the time. I love contemporary worship, but every now and again I long for those old hymns. There is such beauty and meaning to be found in them.
I have never been to mass and have always wanted to go with someone who could explain it to me.Very different from my upbringing.
When I was little, I daydreamed in church that the pews were beds with comfy pillows and blankets . . . I guess I was tired. :-)
fondly,
Glenda
Hi Amy, new reader here! I found you through the link-up and I'm so glad I did... this post is a topic that is very near and dear to my heart.
I grew up Catholic, but never understood the meaning behind what we do at Mass until recently. I thought Mass was incredibly dull compared to the energetic services my non-denominational Christian friends attended. But then I started reading and learning more about the Catholic faith... and wound up falling head over heels in love with it. Have you ever read The Lamb's Supper by Scott Hahn? Totally changed my perception of the Mass - it's a must read!
I read this yesterday and it made me giggle ... maybe because I was a naughty preacher's daughter and I could relate to sitting in church and being a million miles away. Thankful God met me to spite myself ...
As I grow older, I find myself longing for the order of liturgy. I didn't grow up in an overly liturgical church, but there was a definite sense of order.
I appreciate the old Wesley hymns, and still remember how it sounded to sing harmony with my two sisters.
Since I grew up and still attend the Episcopal church, I've always had a liturgical service. I like the order, but it has taken me a long time to appreciate the words in the Book of Common Prayer. Even though I don't normally use scripted prayers in my quiet time, I think that the liturgy has given me a basis for praying scripture.
I used to hate hymns. And the "no secular music before church we're preparing for worship" mode. And staying home to meditate on good friday. (Oh, how my friends got a kick out of that!) Now, I love so many of the lyrics in old hymns. I notice a difference in my worship at church if I've "warmed up" at home. And I love the chance to unplug and meditate on Good Friday.
First of all, now I know why I like you so much. :) The "sister Rita" comment made me laugh out loud.
Faith of my childhood...I 'left' for 10 years and came back when I got married (six years ago). I find it deeply comforting and stabilizing - all of it - especially the rhythm of liturgy, a yearly, liturgical calendar, and sermons taken from Scripture. Our history as a community, going back hundreds of years, gives me a deeper perspective on 'Body'. It also makes me feel like I'm building my house - this house of faith that must extend beyond my own little world to mean anything - on more solid ground when doing it with folks that follow a pattern that is higher than emotion alone. Does that make sense? (I'm Episcopalian, by the way, and grew up in high church. I feel you and your old Catholic ways....)
Although raised with exposure to several different types of churches, from very charismatic to conservative Catholic, I, too, find comfort in the contemplative liturgy of the Catholic church and the consistency in the church for the most part. That familiarity is comforting. Yet, I also long for the worship through music that is not typically found in your liturgical churches. I appreciate my exposure to the wide spectrum of churches because I don't find myself pinning one against another. What it simply comes down to for me is God's presence and Jesus' name proclaimed.
Thanks for the comment on Emily's post at my place. And right back at you with the liking and whatnot.
I have mixed feelings about the faith of my childhood, but I've found myself coming back to the scripture songs we learned in the very conservative church we attended. Those are still pretty beautiful, and I find myself using them to sing my daughter to sleep.
This is why I love you. You surprise me all the time with stuff like this. And I love it!
love this amy. love that you spoke on it, and that you went back. it's funny how God takes on new meaning, and religion too, as we age and realize we are in fact, just dust. love to you. xo
made me laugh.
especially the missing wine...hilarious.
I always hated church until recently.
I never could stand the entertainment value of it all ... always looking for quiet I guess.
Now I have found it and I enjoy the community of it all.
Thanks for making me laugh... you and I could totally hang out.. lol.
T
I remember thinking it was all so boring and stuffy. I remember shifting back and forth on that hard pew, just waiting for it all to be over already. But now? I gotta say I love it all. All of the quirkiness and stuffiness and dragging out the prayer to the nth degree. Yep. It's me.
I've wanted to read your post all week--I'm glad I finally did! I thought Catholic church was terribly boring, and since my dad was married before, he and my mother couldn't receive communion. Even though I'm sure they weren't the only sinners in church, they were the only ones who remained in the pews each Saturday night Mass. I really hated that we couldn't participate as a family.
When we started visiting a non-denominational church, I began to understand some of the 'boring' parts of the faith. Now each Easter season, I miss participating in the stations of the cross, and I miss the symbolism of the incense. And even though I have no plans to go back to the Catholic church due to all I've learned as a Protestant, I miss the reverence and solemnity at times, as well.
I love the feeling of walking into a familiar church that I have not been to in a while. I love siting into the pew and quietly taking in all the beauty and peace that surrounds me.
Recently I have been reflecting on the beauty of the mass myself. It seems that where ever I look I find simple beauty and reverence in mass. I wrote some more about this today here. http://livingthescripture.blogspot.com/2011/10/finding-beauty-in-mass-distribution-of.html
Love reading your blog.
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